“If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?” – Stephen Wright
“How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.” – Emo Phillips
“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through
not dying.” – Woody Allen
“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx
“A sleeping bag is a tortilla for a human” – Mitch Hedberg
“Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.” – George Carlin
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